Odd Fears

Is it just me or does anyone else have an odd fear. Of course its not just me but I just don't hear about it much from other people. Don't get me wrong, I have my normal fears like spiders. In fact, that's not just a fear, that's a phobia, or damn near close to it. But spiders are creepy and it's normal to be scared of them.

The other day I was browsing the interwebs looking up suck things like Elmo, sesame street, several of the puppeteers, Jim Henson. I had watched a documentary about the guy who does the voice and puppeteering of Elmo and it had spiked my interest. While browsing, around I came across DZ Discovery Zone (where I can do fdajkfda on my own, D-Z, where kids want to be!). When my sister and I were about 8 and 6, we went to a Discovery Zone a few time and really enjoyed it and I haven't seen or even heard of one in ages. Apparently they went bankrupt or something and Chuck E. Cheese bought them out.

So then naturally I looked up Chuck E. Cheese (C.E.C.) and was reading about it. I'm not sure how many of you ever went to a Showbiz Pizza but that's what we went to before Chuck came to our hood. As a little girl, I remember LOVING that place and I liked the character Billy Bob, or as I would call it, Billyabob. And when it switched over to C.E.C., I enjoyed that too.

Thinking back to when i was little, I don't remember ever fearing that place, or namely the animatronics but now just the thought of it makes me nervous and uncomfortable. Around 9 years old is when I remember starting to be scared of these freak robot things. I don't freak out when I see them but I'd rather not be around them if I can, or at least not close.

It's so odd now because when I reminisce, those freak show robots make me so nervous now. One of the websites I looked at had pictures from the 80's of Showbiz Pizza and the crazy robots and just looking at them made me all antsy. Blah.  I mean look, aren't these things kind of disconcerting???

Oh God, I can hear his weird body making those roboty noises.

Did you ever have a Teddy Ruxpin? I did. That toy seemed so cool but when I remember it now I find it, again, scary.This is what it looks like:

See that's not so scary. No not at all. And if you put a cassette tape (what the heck is that,. kids today. amirite???) in his back (cus that's normal) he'll tell you a story! So all seems nice and sweet, that is until bed time. I swear that thing would talk and his eyes would open. And it made those awful roboty sounds. Ehhh. This is what I see when I look at that thing:

That is more terrifying than that stupid Chuckey doll.

We've taken the baby to C.E.C.'s a few time and she loves it there. She has absolutely no fear of the dopes in the costumes or the awful robots (although they seem to have gotten rid of most of them). When the show started though, I became very uncomfortable and had to stand towards the back of the room or just away from the stage. Probably so I didn't have to hear those roboty sounds (seriously, maybe we have figured out what is making me so uncomfortable, those awful, un-natural roboty sounds!) and see the awkward jerking movements.

Apparently this condition has a name. It's called Automatonophobia, which is the fear of wax figures, humanoid robots and dolls. I'm not scared of dolls or wax figures, psh, c'mon. One of the reasons they believe people are afraid of these things is because they can look so real but so non human. Those blank stares and awkward motions. Eeeeee, now I'm getting the willies again.

Does anyone else have this fear? Do you have an odd fear that other people might silly? Has it ever impacted your daily life or your child's life?

Makin' Moves

I've been trying to keep my promise to myself to LIVE my life more. So far, I'd like to think that I've been doing a decent job of that.

Two weekends ago, my mom and I went roller skating. Last weekend we spent some quality time together going to antique stores. Since then I have also reached out to some friends and made efforts to mend some relationships. There is also something that I have wanted to do for over two years now and tomorrow it will happen. It's something that I am so excited to do but sort of nervous to do.  Either way, I finally am doing it and I can't wait.

Help Me Help You

The past few months I have spent a lot of time trying to work on myself. After a bunch of stressful and pretty chaotic events, I realized that I had not made myself a priority and just felt so lost. On top of all of this, the stress of being unemployed and then starting a new job had just about broke me. Everything made me feel panicked and anxious. There was never a time that I really seemed to feel at ease. It just seemed that I was on the verge of tears all the time.

 For the first time ever, I allowed myself to step back and be honest. All of this had been things that I was trying to hold together for a very long time and I just couldn't anymore. I had spent so much time trying to take care of everyone else that I didn't do a very good job taking care of myself. Perhaps I thought that if I could keep everyone else happy that it would make me happy in turn. Boy was I wrong. I was miserable and exhausted.

In July I decided that I needed to refocus on myself and get help. The first step was to do some research about what help is available and in my price range. Someone suggested I look into support groups but that didn't seem to fit what I was looking for. Then I started comparing therapists vs. counselors. Counselors seemed to be a bit more affordable and would be able to help me work through whatever it is that I am going through.

Figuring out who to go to was almost too much for me to handle. I looked online, left messages and emails for people and nothing felt right. The other thing that was really difficult for me was to have to explain why I wanted to see a counselor. It was something I could barely speak in my own head without dissolving into tears, let alone have a phone conversation with a complete stranger. On top of all of the stressors I was experiencing, this was making me really question if this would actually help me.

After some searching I came across a lady who had received her masters from the same school I received my bachelors. Right there was enough of a sign for me. This was the lady I wanted to work with. My close friends kept telling me how great it was that I was doing this for myself. Even though it was so hard to talk about, their support really did help me to get myself there. My first session with her only further confirmed that this is what I needed. It was so nice to be able to talk to someone about everything without a biased opinion. What a relief to be able to be uncensored. Even though we barely scratched the surface of my stuff, I left there feeling lifted and hopeful.

Since then I've been working with my counselor and I can't believe the difference it has made. The tools she is teaching me is helping me in so many aspects of my life. There has been extensive work in areas, and not just by my. There were days where I just felt hopeless. Today, I am so glad to say that I feel better, stronger and hopeful. Taking the time to get myself happy and healthy has been one of the best gifts I could ever give to myself. To anyone struggling and feeling lost, I hope you find the courage to do the same. I don't mean you have to follow my path. What ever is right for you, just remember, you are worth it. It is so, so worth it.

Trip to the pumpkin patch this year

Walking in a Fall Wonderland

Today I woke up to about eight inches of snow. It's the second snow we've gotten this fall. Normally, this would be a reason for me to be annoyed by the disruption to my morning routine, but you have to admit, it's quite pretty.

That is the one thing I love about the weather here, if you don't like it just wait a few minutes and it will cahnge. So it snowed last night but it will be gone by tomorrow. Might as well enjoy the pretty views while they are here.

Being Greateful

Today I received some sad news. A former co-worker of mine was hit by a car crossing the street and was killed. She was not someone that I was close to but it was a shock none the less. When I heard the news it was just about the last thing I expected. The passing of someone is always sad, especially when it is so unexpected.

My thoughts just kept going to her husband and daughter. My heart aches for them. Having to lose a mother when you still have so much life to share with her is terrible. Perhaps what has been the hardest part of this to wrap my mind around is the fact that she left for work just like any other morning. She probably kissed her husband good-bye and went about her normal routine just as we all do. Just the fact that she is not coming home and none of them knew that has been the hardest part to comprehend. Gosh, when I think about it, I take it for granted everyday that my family comes home, safe and sound.

This sudden jolt of reality has made me think a lot today about how important it is to tell people you love them. What if you never see them again? Would they know your true feelings? It sounds cheesy but I feel like I need to call everyone and just say that I love them and thank you for being my friend and family. All of this makes me reevaluate how I am with the people I care about. I never want to have to question if they knew how special they were to me and just how much I loved them.

It also makes me think about living my life to the fullest. How much time do I spend complaining? Too much, especially when there are so many wonderful things in my life. Today, I just thought about how lucky I am and how thankful I am for my friends, my family, my love, my pets, my home, my job, my life. It's just to precious to take it for granted. What lies here before me is truly wonderful and I am so blessed.

This also makes me start to wonder, what have I wanted to do and just been putting it off. There is no time to waste. No more time to procrastinate. Time to seize life and make the most of it. There are plenty of things that I have said "oh, I've been wanting to do that" and then just brushed it aside for later. I've talked about doing zumba classes, going roller skating, joining a volleyball league, painting, cooking, taking a sewing class. Today I am really seeing that I need to live my life more.

What have you been wanting to do but have been putting off for a better time? What would it take for you to get out there and start doing it? Who would you tell that you love them?

A-Zeze

OK, OK, saw this on Biscuit's page and couldn't resist. It's been a long rough week and I wanted to end the week on a good note too.

A. Age: 26
B. Bed size: Queen
C. Chore that you hate: Dusting, it makes me sneeze too much
D. Dogs: Love, love, love, love them. I’m a dog person through and though
E. Essential start to your day: Wash my face
F. Favorite color: Purple, dark purple G. Gold or Silver: Silver preferably, but I’ll wear gold too
H. Height: 5’2"
I. Instruments you play(ed): viola, barely
J. Job title: Marketing/Proposal Coordinator
K. Kids: No kids personally but I do get to love that little munchkin
L. Live: Colorado
M. Mother’s name: Stephanie
N. Nicknames: Zeze
O. Overnight hospital stays: Only when I had knee surgery in Germany
P. Pet peeves: People who don’t use manners, people who don’t know the difference between your and you’re and there and they’re and their and so on
Q. Quote from a movie: "Fight for your shitty life! I'm life and I'm biting you on ass" Bridesmaids

R. Right or left handed: Right but I do cartwheels left handed
S. Siblings: 1 seester
T. Time you wake up: 6:40 MWF, 6:20 T TH, 9ish on the weekends
U. Underwear: Yes, always
V. Vegetable you hate: Corn, it disgusts me
W. What makes you run late: When I can’t decide on what to wear
X. X-Rays you’ve had: Left knee, thumb, chest and teeth
Y. Yummy food that you make: Goulash?
Z. Zoo animal: Seals or polar bears, or monkeys, or tigers, or all of them

Read to me

A friend of mine recently recommended a website to me that she uses to buy audio books. Lately , I've been trying to read more but it's hard to when I'm driving or at the pool trying to work on my tan. Holding a book that casts an odd shadow is not conducive to a nice, even tan. Well, and not to mention that I all ready effed up my tan over memorial day weekend when I got a pretty gnarly sunburn while wearing shorts. Yep, it looks like I am wearing white shorts under my bathing suit now.

Boys please, try to resist.

Anywho, my friend recommended this site:
audible.com

It's sort of like Netflix, but for books, only you get to keep the books. So you go to the site and you pick a plan. For right now I'm just doing the basic introductory plan, but I will be upgrading very soon. Depending on which plan you get, you receive credits. One credit buys one audio book (very few cost more than one credit). With most plans, you get one credit a month. Say you drive a lot and finish the book quickly. You can actually buy more books and you receive a member discount. You get a much better deal than buying it through iTunes or from Barnes and Noble this way. Dudes, it's totally worth it.

Here's the other thing that I love...you can also use your member discount to GIVE audio books as gifts to other people too! Yeah,. If you like it so much, you can buy it for your friend or mom or whomever. It's pretty awesome. I can't wait for my gifts to arrive! Wait, I've already said too much...

Audible.com also has TONS of books. So many different categories and all different age groups too. All my friends with kids, yes, they even have children's books. And I know what you are wondering. Yes they have it to. "Go the F*ck to Sleep", narrated by Samuel L. Jackson. They have that one too.